Lately it’s as if my brain has shriveled up and died, leaving my body to fend for itself. I go about my days just trying to stay awake (I don’t sleep well), doing what I can to get what needs to be done, done.
Obviously, having a toddler is draining. But you’d think since I only have one, I’d at least be capable of keeping up with my brain. But, unfortunately for me it’s proven to be quite the task. I hardly sleep. I haven’t the alone time to read as much as I’d like. I’m definitely suffering from writer’s block. I feel drained of all inspiration. Which leaves me in a state of perpetual boredom, being uninterested in everything, including my own passions. Yet, my mind still races. But with nonsense.
I’ve always had problems with a restless mind. As far back as I can remember I’ve suffered from insomnia. Now my head seems to be dull and lifeless, but in constant motion. Meaningless motion, that is. Usually when my mind wont rest, it’s because there is something important weighing on it. But it’s feeling quite dead to everything at this point. I seem to have been prolonging and setting aside everything in my life that needs to be done. And not even taking a second glance, or thought for that matter.
This is extremely irritating to me, yet I lack the determination to change it. Maybe that isn’t the right word….It’s more like, I want to change it, but feel completely helpless like a limbless body in the ocean. Which makes me completely shut down whenever I think of it. Therefore, leaving me in this land of perpetual boredom.
How do I fix this? I haven’t a clue.
I’m stuck in a revolving door, and I’m getting dizzy. To the point of nausea. I’ve lost track of the way out. So I keep walking in circles. Maybe someone will stop the door, or pull me out. Or maybe they’ll all just keep ignoring me and keep inside their own revolving doors. Perhaps even enjoying it, while I look on in fear and desperation. Everything is a blur. This door’s got me trapped.