36 weeks and 2 days today.
Honestly, I’m so ready for this baby to be born already! The excitement mixed with the pure exhaustion of being 9 months pregnant, is really setting in. I’m getting a little stir crazy up in here. Rearranging, organizing, re-rearranging, re-organizing. I just want to hold her and get this ball rolling. Maybe I’m just impatient, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel this at some point in your pregnancy(ies).
Beside the hardly ever sleeping, I’m feeling great. Yes, I’m tired and waddling around is getting old. But I’m really trying to keep humble and positive.
I FINALLY got HypnoBirthing The Mongan Method from my library. I had been waiting for weeks! And let me tell you what, It’s an AMAZING book. Even if you aren’t Hypnobirthing, it’s fantastic to read during pregnancy. I could write a whole post on the book…(maybe I will later). Anyway, it’s really helping prepare my mind for birth and comfort me while I wait. It’s nice to be in a positive mindset at this point in time.
Tomorrow is my weekly check up and I’m planning on presenting my doctor with my birth plan. I am a little nervous, but it’s very important for me to make known what I’m hoping for and at the same time, let her see that I have made an effort to be knowledgeable about labor and birth and my options, and that I have every intention to be making the decisions. After basically taking the backseat during my first labor and birth experience, there is no way I will allow that this time. I know most of that was because of the nurses at that certain hospital, but having this birth plan will show them I mean business and wont be pushed around.
I’m feeling very confident at this point and, thanks to Hypnobirthing, not afraid. Fear tends to hijack our pregnancies, labors and birth experiences. I’m so glad I found Hypnobirthing and had my mind opened to how ridiculous it really is. I’m taking back my birth experience and it’s going to be awesome!!
I’m excited, can’t you tell?
As of today, I am 35 weeks and 1 day. 33 days to go IF I make it to 40 week. Which, I really don’t think I will.
I’m feeling so much better than I had been for the past few weeks. My last appointment went great and I’ve only been feeling better and better. I hardly ever have any itching at all anymore!! My doctor assumed my daily allergy medicine was helping (because Cholestasis doesn’t just go away), But I haven’t been taking my allergy medicine for almost a week now, and the itching is even less! I’m calling MIRACLE on this one, guys. I was so afraid, worried and disappointed when my otherwise care-free pregnancy became something to worry about. My mom was praying against it and I was just praying for a healthy baby. I couldn’t sleep at night because when I did I would just toss and turn with a nervousness in my stomach or dream about being induced to save my baby’s life. And out of nowhere it all just went away. The itching, the worry, the stress, the fear. How amazing is that!?
I have an appointment tomorrow, another NST, which I’m sure will go just fine. But I wanted to do an early update. As of today, I am so EXCITED. I can’t wait for my little girl to arrive and come home so we can all start our lives together. I know there will be a lot of sleepless nights, probably older sibling issues, a struggle to establish a routine, etc. But I just want to dive into it already!
I really believe she’ll come before 40 weeks. Rayne was born around 38 weeks. I’m hoping for the same with this one. That’s only a few weeks!! I’m trying to hurry and get everything ready, but it never seems good enough for my insatiable urge to nest. All day I want to organize and re-organize. I just have nowhere to re-organize to! I’m trying to figure out different ways to put together a more accessible environment for when baby gets here, which is proving to be difficult seeing as how there is limited space already (I share a room with a 3-year-old).
And of course I think about labor. What will happen, how will I do, will my self practice of Hypnobirthing help at all or did I do it wrong and will end up losing my shit and beg for an epidural..etc., etc. All I know is, I’m going to try my best and at the end I know I’ll forget about any pain and be on cloud nine.
My mind is racing 972478627 thoughts a minute, but I’m doing well. Excited. Very excited. And tired. But mostly excited.
In my last post, I hashed out an issue that had been pressuring me for a long time. At the end of the post I had found my answer. I decided I’m going to step out into the very scary and unfamiliar darkness and take a step toward improving myself, my life and my future. The next morning I sent in an application to be enrolled in the local college.
I’m very anxious taking this step. But I’m also very excited. I waited a long time to do it because I haven’t a clue what to do with myself. I can’t picture myself in any profession. I can’t even say I could commit long enough to have a career. But I don’t really care anymore. I guess I stayed in my comfort zone so long, now I’m kicking myself out. I’m forcing myself to do something for me. So I’m going to try to go to school for english. You know, literature, writing, etc. I love to write and I’d love to do something someday with my love of writing. But even if I don’t, I still want to do this.
Maybe I’ll stick with it and become a professional writer. Maybe I’ll try my hand at something else. Maybe I’ll bounce around my whole life and not really be bound to anything except my daughter. Who knows? I certainly don’t. But I can’t let my fear of the unknown keep me in this tiny box, holding me hostage from my potential. This is a new chapter in my life. And if nothing else, an experience. And that’s worth enough for me.