Midnight’s restless mind and dreadful headache. Plus photos and rambling.

It is currently midnight. I should be sound asleep right now considering Rayne will be up at 7am, which means so will I. But, instead of sleeping, I am suffering from a dreadful headache and a restless mind. So, in hopes of tiring myself out and possibly getting some junk out of my mind, I’ll share some photos from today, and maybe an old one or two. Enjoy.

Lilacs are my most favorite flowers of all. I’ve never smelt anything more pleasant. I wish they were bloomed all year round.

I also caught this little guy again today. I think he’s getting used to me because he let me get pretty close while he continued to eat leaves. But he kept an eye on me and after my pictures, he hopped into the bushes. Thanks Bunny!

This is a photo of Rayne when she was just a tiny thing. Sometimes I see pictures of her before she was a year old and can’t even believe she’s the same child. She’s growing like a weed!

I’m still feeling pretty down on life. My headache is raging and now accompanied by nausea. I just wish I could relax and sleep like a normal person. But my body is feeling ill and my brain wont stop running. I hate nights like this. I hate feeling restless and I hate feeling sick and dehydrated. As I’m typing I can see the veins in my hands protruding unusually. This is adding to the nausea. Veins are so gross. Due to my wondering and restless mind, I’m rambling. But I don’t really feel bad about it because isn’t that what blogs are for? 

I might as well take some sort of medication, drink some water and watch a movie until I fall asleep. Wish me luck.

Sick day.

Today went in a much different direction than I was hoping for. I woke up this morning and immediately felt cruddy. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere or doing anything today. I didn’t even get dressed or put on make-up. I didn’t mind the not getting dressed or wearing make-up part. But one thing is for sure: being sick and being a mom at the same time is not easy. I’m lucky enough to have had help from my Mom and sisters today. They took Rayne shopping for a couple hours so I could relax.

Just walking around the house wasn’t fun. I was dizzy, nauseous, crampy and had a headache all day. So when they left, I reclined on the couch and resumed my Supernatural season one marathon on Netflix. I’ve been so exhausted feeling today. I’m glad I was able to have quite time to relax. Plus, when I’m sick, Rayne tends to be much sweeter to me than usual. For instance: a few months ago Rayne had a fever for a day, the next day I got it. While I was laying on the couch resting, she walked up to me and said, “Luh you Mommy”. I immediately jumped up and said “WHAT?!?! Did you just say you love me?!?!” Rayne isn’t much for showing affection. She gets that from both her parents. But even being her mom I hardly get kisses let alone an ‘I love you’. So this was very exciting. I haven’t heard it since then, though.

Today I told her I didn’t feel well, so she came over to me and put her hand on my forehead. Then kissed it to make me feel better. Of course later she headbutted me in the nose (anyone with kids knows how terrible this is), then punched me in the nose a couple hours later. My nose is still sore.

I ended up going for a walk to get some fresh air. It did help my headache, but my stomach is still a little woozy. I’m hoping I’ll be better by tomorrow so I can actually have the energy to get up and do something. Like laundry…God knows I’m like a 17 year old boy when it comes to laundry. Anyway, today was considered a sick day. I was totally lazy and gross. And to be honest, I needed it. Well, not the real sickness, but the lazy gross day I did.

Impending change: My heightened intuition.

After a sleepless night and a currently relentless headache, I find myself needing to write something. I don’t have anything in particular to say or rant about. In fact, this headache seems to be cutting off any thought attempting to develop into a worthy topic. 

I’m staring almost blankly at this seemingly too bright laptop screen, while the chatter of children shows hum through the television and Rayne sips milk out of her sippy cup. Heart palpitations accompany a constant vibration in my hands from the two cups of coffee I downed as soon as I possibly could after opening my eyes this morning. 

I hate being in this mood because it’s often smothered in anxiety. The past couple weeks I have been waking up around the same time every night. Usually, that’s a sign that something is going to happen soon. Ever since I was little I’ve had an unusually strong intuition. It’s contributed to a lot of anxiety problems. It’s been laying low for a while now. But recently it seems to be taking over. It takes a lot of energy from me and instills in me a need to be alone as much as possible. 

I don’t necessarily feel that whatever coming is a bad thing, per se. But it’s a change that is making me nervous and uncomfortable. I’m feeling oddly aware of minuscule levels of life and existence. Which, I’ve always had, but more so now. It’s that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when something out of the ordinary is going to happen soon. It makes you nervous the closer it gets. You know there’s no way around it but it makes you so uncomfortable you just want to run away and flake on it. But, not knowing what it is makes me curious and impatient to find out.

It could be something fairly small and harmless. But it also could be something that shifts my life completely. Judging by the feeling, it isn’t negative….at least not negative enough to worry me.

Listen to me, going on about “feelings”, “Intuition”. Most people don’t even believe in this stuff. I probably sound silly if not insane. But that’s okay. Because chances are whatever’s coming will only effect me and/or my family.

If you haven’t noticed yet, I also tend to lean a bit of my rocker when this feeling decides to roll around. At least I got it out of my system, until I figure out what exactly it is that’s causing this.