Step one.

In my last post, I hashed out an issue that had been pressuring me for a long time. At the end of the post I had found my answer. I decided I’m going to step out into the very scary and unfamiliar darkness and take a step toward improving myself, my life and my future. The next morning I sent in an application to be enrolled in the local college.

I’m very anxious taking this step. But I’m also very excited. I waited a long time to do it because I haven’t a clue what to do with myself. I can’t picture myself in any profession. I can’t even say I could commit long enough to have a career. But I don’t really care anymore. I guess I stayed in my comfort zone so long, now I’m kicking myself out. I’m forcing myself to do something for me. So I’m going to try to go to school for english. You know, literature, writing, etc. I love to write and I’d love to do something someday with my love of writing. But even if I don’t, I still want to do this.
Maybe I’ll stick with it and become a professional writer. Maybe I’ll try my hand at something else. Maybe I’ll bounce around my whole life and not really be bound to anything except my daughter. Who knows? I certainly don’t. But I can’t let my fear of the unknown keep me in this tiny box, holding me hostage from my potential. This is a new chapter in my life. And if nothing else, an experience. And that’s worth enough for me.

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