As of today, I am 35 weeks and 1 day. 33 days to go IF I make it to 40 week. Which, I really don’t think I will.
I’m feeling so much better than I had been for the past few weeks. My last appointment went great and I’ve only been feeling better and better. I hardly ever have any itching at all anymore!! My doctor assumed my daily allergy medicine was helping (because Cholestasis doesn’t just go away), But I haven’t been taking my allergy medicine for almost a week now, and the itching is even less! I’m calling MIRACLE on this one, guys. I was so afraid, worried and disappointed when my otherwise care-free pregnancy became something to worry about. My mom was praying against it and I was just praying for a healthy baby. I couldn’t sleep at night because when I did I would just toss and turn with a nervousness in my stomach or dream about being induced to save my baby’s life. And out of nowhere it all just went away. The itching, the worry, the stress, the fear. How amazing is that!?
I have an appointment tomorrow, another NST, which I’m sure will go just fine. But I wanted to do an early update. As of today, I am so EXCITED. I can’t wait for my little girl to arrive and come home so we can all start our lives together. I know there will be a lot of sleepless nights, probably older sibling issues, a struggle to establish a routine, etc. But I just want to dive into it already!
I really believe she’ll come before 40 weeks. Rayne was born around 38 weeks. I’m hoping for the same with this one. That’s only a few weeks!! I’m trying to hurry and get everything ready, but it never seems good enough for my insatiable urge to nest. All day I want to organize and re-organize. I just have nowhere to re-organize to! I’m trying to figure out different ways to put together a more accessible environment for when baby gets here, which is proving to be difficult seeing as how there is limited space already (I share a room with a 3-year-old).
And of course I think about labor. What will happen, how will I do, will my self practice of Hypnobirthing help at all or did I do it wrong and will end up losing my shit and beg for an epidural..etc., etc. All I know is, I’m going to try my best and at the end I know I’ll forget about any pain and be on cloud nine.
My mind is racing 972478627 thoughts a minute, but I’m doing well. Excited. Very excited. And tired. But mostly excited.
When I first became a mother, I didn’t give much thought to the kind of medicine/treatment I would be giving to my eventually ill/snotty/coughy/achy child. Tylenol was all I really knew of for a baby’s fever, headache, cold, teething, etc. I had no problem accepting unknown drugs while in labor and thanked God for the miracle of epidurals. But as I’ve grown older and more concerned with my body as well as my toddler’s, I find myself extremely apprehensive to use anything at all. I’ve stopped taking even the slightest pain relievers (Ibuprofen, Tylenol, Aspirin, etc.). And I DEFINITELY wont go near any birth control pills, shots, implants, etc. So, the point is now that I only want the best, purest, healthiest form of treatment for our sicknesses. But what in the world would that be???
I’ve heard so much mixed information on all of it, I hardly know which end is up on the subject. Some people think staying away from pharmaceuticals is ridiculous and characteristics of a paranoid health nut. While others are disgusted that people are still using them on a regular basis. Some rely on homeopathy like a God. Others say it’s all hosh-posh and that you’re probably taking sugar water. Herbal remedies sounds like the purest, healthiest way to go. But is it? Does it really even work? Or should we save it for the hippies rubbing homemade lavender/cocoa butter/pine needle balm on their hang nails? I don’t like to browse information online anymore because it’s all something different. All I want is a safe AND effective way to easy my stuffy/runny nose and my little one’s harsh cough and headache. Is there such a thing? Or is it just a pipe dream?
What are your thoughts? Herbal, Homeopathy, or Pharmaceutical?
Today has been one of few events. Yet many feelings. From fatigued to fine. From fine to sick. From sick to sad. From sad to anxious. Etc, etc. You get the picture. At this point I am exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Not that anyone could tell without me saying. And I never say so, therefore no one ever really knows the weight on my shoulders. From the outside I seem to be fine. Drained and irritable, maybe. But fine. I am not really sure why I felt the need to take the time to write any of this. But I did. My eyes burn from lack of sleep but my mind is constantly yapping like a small dog. I need some relief.
Let me dump my bag of chips out on the book shelf and make a mess right after you cleaned the room.
Oh yeah, and I know you’re not feeling well, but paint my nails, now.
Nevermind, I’ll comfort you.
Who’s that creep on my back?
Got trapped in my thoughts for awhile.
She brought me back.
The other night we had Chinese food for dinner. I usually don’t pay much mind to my fortunes. But the one I got seemed to fit my situation, so I kept it.
“Use your abilities at this time to stay focused on your goal. You will succeed.”
The next day, I noticed an unopened fortune, so decided to take it for myself.
“Focus on your long-term goal. Good things will soon happen.”
I think they’re on to something here. Coincidence? Probably. How I take it: It’s a sign! I must listen! I don’t really believe in the whole fortune thing. But I do believe sometimes God works in mysterious ways and has to go different routes to reach you. Perhaps this is what I’ve needed to hear. Or maybe they’re just pieces of paper with sayings written on them, vague enough to fit into anyone’s life/personal situation. Either way, I enjoy them.
Have you had any eerily fitting fortunes? Or any that’ve come true?
It is currently midnight. I should be sound asleep right now considering Rayne will be up at 7am, which means so will I. But, instead of sleeping, I am suffering from a dreadful headache and a restless mind. So, in hopes of tiring myself out and possibly getting some junk out of my mind, I’ll share some photos from today, and maybe an old one or two. Enjoy.
Lilacs are my most favorite flowers of all. I’ve never smelt anything more pleasant. I wish they were bloomed all year round.
I also caught this little guy again today. I think he’s getting used to me because he let me get pretty close while he continued to eat leaves. But he kept an eye on me and after my pictures, he hopped into the bushes. Thanks Bunny!
This is a photo of Rayne when she was just a tiny thing. Sometimes I see pictures of her before she was a year old and can’t even believe she’s the same child. She’s growing like a weed!
I’m still feeling pretty down on life. My headache is raging and now accompanied by nausea. I just wish I could relax and sleep like a normal person. But my body is feeling ill and my brain wont stop running. I hate nights like this. I hate feeling restless and I hate feeling sick and dehydrated. As I’m typing I can see the veins in my hands protruding unusually. This is adding to the nausea. Veins are so gross. Due to my wondering and restless mind, I’m rambling. But I don’t really feel bad about it because isn’t that what blogs are for?
I might as well take some sort of medication, drink some water and watch a movie until I fall asleep. Wish me luck.