After a sleepless night and a currently relentless headache, I find myself needing to write something. I don’t have anything in particular to say or rant about. In fact, this headache seems to be cutting off any thought attempting to develop into a worthy topic.
I’m staring almost blankly at this seemingly too bright laptop screen, while the chatter of children shows hum through the television and Rayne sips milk out of her sippy cup. Heart palpitations accompany a constant vibration in my hands from the two cups of coffee I downed as soon as I possibly could after opening my eyes this morning.
I hate being in this mood because it’s often smothered in anxiety. The past couple weeks I have been waking up around the same time every night. Usually, that’s a sign that something is going to happen soon. Ever since I was little I’ve had an unusually strong intuition. It’s contributed to a lot of anxiety problems. It’s been laying low for a while now. But recently it seems to be taking over. It takes a lot of energy from me and instills in me a need to be alone as much as possible.
I don’t necessarily feel that whatever coming is a bad thing, per se. But it’s a change that is making me nervous and uncomfortable. I’m feeling oddly aware of minuscule levels of life and existence. Which, I’ve always had, but more so now. It’s that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when something out of the ordinary is going to happen soon. It makes you nervous the closer it gets. You know there’s no way around it but it makes you so uncomfortable you just want to run away and flake on it. But, not knowing what it is makes me curious and impatient to find out.
It could be something fairly small and harmless. But it also could be something that shifts my life completely. Judging by the feeling, it isn’t negative….at least not negative enough to worry me.
Listen to me, going on about “feelings”, “Intuition”. Most people don’t even believe in this stuff. I probably sound silly if not insane. But that’s okay. Because chances are whatever’s coming will only effect me and/or my family.
If you haven’t noticed yet, I also tend to lean a bit of my rocker when this feeling decides to roll around. At least I got it out of my system, until I figure out what exactly it is that’s causing this.
momwomanhuman 